3.13.11
this is in response to your motivation post.  i read it after walking in the door from of day full of shopping for rose’s party.  i was physically exhausted and stressed.  your words pierced me.  in fact, i’m still mulling them over in prayer.
this is what was on my heart after i read your post and took a moment for discernment, prior to my break down…
i have been in the same place you describe.  it’s happiness was fleeting.  i fear that i may return to that place (that was far removed from Him) so i turn and run the other way, thinking i will find Him there.  instead, i run right past Him.  it’s a different place but the same result, it becomes all about me.
satan is loving it.  the spiritual warfare has begun.  i do not enter battle on my own.  i have learned this the hard way.  i call upon our blessed mother.

• i desire to be thin.
  • He calls me to be healthy.
    • that means moderate exercise and a healthy intake of food – not excessive daily exercise outside of my state of life and no starvation.
• i desire to get out of this stage in my journey and move onto a maintenance stage.  a stage which i perceive to be an easier road.
  • He calls me to embrace where i am at and find Him in all the struggles.
    • that means that i must seek to glorify Him in everything i do.  this includes my failures as well as my successes.  they are all his.  he is pleased with my faithfulness to Him alone.
• i desire to gain order and control of my life and family.
  • He calls me to surrender it all to Him.
    • that means that i must not seek a worldly standard of success but embrace my crosses.  i must be a joyful servant and be right ordered.  my every moment should revolve around Him.  i should seek his face in those around me.

i desire to…

• learn how to desire only His will for me. 
• be content where i am.
• find JOY (Him) in all i’m surrounded with.
• live each moment as though it were my last so that i can make it HOME!

2.3.11

this journey is not for me, i am nothing.

my….

energy has been zapped.

eating is out of whack.

workouts have been sporadic.  my motivation is fleeting and I’m a bit bored with the WO.

foot is injured from my 9.5 barefoot run.  I’m not sure what happened.  i thought it was just a strain.  i purposefully took a break from my MT on mon. and tues.  i attempted to run on wed. but did not last.  i did, however, walk for 15 min.

time management has been poor.  i’ve been procrastinating, leaving me with little time for anything.  it is on the verge of being stressful.

weight does not what to leave me.  i haven’t been below 159lbs  for the past 5 years.

…..the list goes on.  still, I’m ready to lay it on down and move on.

today is a new day.  i surrender! i need less of me and more of Him.

Jesus, I offer you my hands and my entire body as weapons for righteousness (Rm 6:13).

“In Him my heart trusts, and I find help.” —Ps 28:7

“Take delight in the Lord, and He will grant you your heart’s requests.” —Ps 37:4

Father, stir into flame the gift of the Holy Spirit in my life so that I will not be cowardly (2 Tm 1:6-7).

 

Father, may this journey be as You have planned.

Jesus, I surrender all!

1.6.11

“Time is a treasure that melts away. It escapes from us, slipping through our fingers like water through the mountain rocks. Yesterday is gone, and today is passing by. Tomorrow will soon be another yesterday. Our lives are so very short. But what a great deal can be done for God in this short space of time!” ~ St. Josemaria Escriva, Friends of God, 52

I trust that He is diligently working on me.

“If you don’t get up at a fixed time you will never carry out your plan of life.” (The Way, 78)

This quote helps me solve my concern about sticking to my goal. It’s a no brainer, I know, but I have fought my flesh to rise at a set hour and regain order in my home.

I have felt unworthy of all His gifts. I sometimes, jokingly, tell my husband that I will sanctify my whole family by the crosses I provide them with.  His generosity brings me to my knees and His mercy covers me.

I no longer seek to have His plans revealed to me. I’ve been there, done that.  I can’t be trusted with that either.  I only ask that He be patient with me as I attempt to blindly follow him.

Scheduling???? What is that? I’ve been struggling with it for some time. I have read, purchased and studied many resources. I have even had a moment of grace where I was able to implement a plan with success, only to have it slip away with the arrival of a new baby. I want to embrace this season of my life but I also don’t want to miss any opportunity to glorify Him. I’m going to have to take baby steps.  I pray for the intercession of the Holy family.

“….may I never yearn for….may I finally learn to be happy and have patience with the constant changing rhythm of this ordinary time….I  am vain and weak but surely, I will try.” ~ Marie Bellet, Ordinary Time

All I need is Him….trust….and complete surrender.  Easier said than done, I know.  I need to take one step at time.  He will meet me right where we am.

This has me thinking about a reflection at Presentation Ministries that I read many years ago. This has stuck with me and provides me great consolation.

“You, as the parent, have the grace to disciple your children for Jesus in a way that no one else can have. The question is not who is best “qual-ified” but who is “call-ified.” The one who is called has the grace, the anointing from God, to do the job.”

I can do this, I am call-ified!

+AMDG+

1.3.11

I’m going to be working on not letting my fitness consume me.  I do not want my prayer time to suffer.  Nor do I want my time with the children to be compromised.  I’m prayerfully going to take each step and remember that, although, I’m called to be fit (take care of my body), I’m also called to lie down my life for my family.  I’m prayerfully seeking the intercession of Our Blessed Mother to guide me in this area of my life.  May she show me what is too much and not enough.  May I follow her example and wholeheartedly serve those who’ve been entrusted to me, without holding back for anything.

I will continue to meditate on the quotes below, I do not want to be disqualified.

~~~

We should not be surprised to find, in our body and soul, the needle of pride, sensuality, envy, laziness and the desire to dominate others. This is a fact of life, proven by our personal experience. It is the point of departure and the normal context for winning in this intimate sport, this race toward our Father’s house. St Paul says: “That is how I run, intent on winning; that is how I fight, not beating the air. I treat my body hard and make it obey me for, having preached to others, I do not want to be disqualified.” ~ St. Josemaria Escrivia, Christ is Passing By, 75

 

A disciple of Christ will never treat anyone badly. Error he will call error, but the person in error he will correct with kindliness. Otherwise he will not be able to help him, to sanctify him. We must learn to live together, to understand one another, to make allowances, to be brotherly and, at all times, in the words of St John of the Cross, ‘where there is no love, put love and you will find love’; and we have to do this even in the apparently uninspiring circumstances that arise in our professional work or in our domestic and social life. You and I must therefore seek to make use of even the most trifling opportunities that come our way, to sanctify them, to sanctify ourselves and to sanctify those who share with us the same daily cares, sensing in our lives the sweet and inspiring burden of the work of co-redemption. ~ St. Josemaria Escrivia,Friends of God, 9

 

Forget about yourself. May your ambition be to live for your brothers alone, for souls, for the Church; in one word, for God. ~ St. Josemaria Escrivia Furrow, 630